Steward of Mysteries

In case you were wondering...

I finally went to Virginia this past weekend! The question I heard most before I got there was, "Where do you want to go?"or, "Where do you feel called to?" I felt a little silly saying that I had absolutely no idea. To my comfort, I wasn't the only one who didn't know. I talked to several aspiring J people who had no particular preference.

I went into conference being completely open to whatever job description I fit best. Going through all the jobs was a daunting task, because there were around 150 to sort through. On the last night, I finally had to pick my top three choices. I know you are just itching to find out what I put... drum roll please:

#1 - Working in a coffee shop in Macedonia.
#2 - Teaching True Love Waits in South Africa.
#3 - Homeschooling/Mentoring 4 MK's in Russia.

(All of which are open countries... so I am free to tell you about them.)

I won't find out for three weeks what job I get... or if I get a job at all. I will keep you posted!

posted under coffee shop, Macedonia, Virginia | 2 Comments

How did I get here?

(Katelynn's 5th Grade Graduation. May 2009)

God really does work all things together. If you don't believe that, perhaps this will persuade you.

It was about this time last year that I began to struggle balancing my time between school, work, church stuff, and time with friends. I stretched myself so thin that I became physically sick, had daily emotional melt downs, and failed several assignments. (All of which, are very unlike me.) I was driving from Birmingham back to Auburn after being a leader for Delta Flight. Delta Flight is a youth weekend at church where you go nonstop with little to no sleep. I was exhausted in every since of the word. I hit a breaking point and finally realized something had to give. I usually don't pray this way, but this is what I said to the Lord, "If I am supposed to quit my job, show me. Show me what else I am supposed to do. Show me Lord!"

That very night, I was waiting on a classmate to meet me so that we could work on a project. As I waited, I had a very interesting Skype chat with a friend from home. Here is part of our conversation:

[2/15/2009 7:58:59 PM] ginna says: are you there?

[2/15/2009 8:00:09 PM] Josh & Rachel says: yes, how are you??
[2/15/2009 8:01:34 PM] Josh & Rachel says: did you have a good weekend?
[2/15/2009 8:02:07 PM] Josh & Rachel says: i was actually going to email or call you...i have a question for you.

[2/15/2009 8:02:13 PM] ginna says: i am doing well! i am sllllllllllleeeepy.
[2/15/2009 8:02:17 PM] ginna says: what is it?
[2/15/2009 8:02:56 PM] ginna says: and the weekend was really good.

[2/15/2009 8:05:50 PM] Josh & Rachel says: my mom has a friend who now lives in auburn w/ his wife and small kids...she has had cancer and now has a new brain tumor...anyway, they are looking for someone, either young and responsible or even older/retired to help out w/ some errands, etc. I am not sure of all that is needed.
[2/15/2009 8:06:17 PM] Josh & Rachel says: so, my mom asked if i knew of anyone to pass on a name to for them to hire to help them out.

[2/15/2009 8:06:34 PM] ginna says: wow.
[2/15/2009 8:07:46 PM] ginna says: well, i was actually just talking to jesus about the job i have right now. i have worked at a coffee shop for a really long time and i am to a point in school that i am struggling to work and keep up with all that i have to do for school.
[2/15/2009 8:07:59 PM] ginna says: do you have any idea what the time frame would be?
[2/15/2009 8:08:38 PM] ginna says: if it was flexible, then i think i probably could do it.

[2/15/2009 8:08:43 PM] Josh & Rachel says: no, but i could get their # and you could just call and chat w/ them. from what i know of them, they are pretty cool people.

[2/15/2009 8:09:14 PM] Josh & Rachel says: at least call them and see if you could help at all. ??

Rachel couldn't get her mom on the phone that night, but she called me the next day. She asked if she could give my number to her mother (who lives in Indiana, mind you). Of course I said that was fine. She also told me that part of the job would be getting their little girl to and from school. The more I thought about the time frame, the more certain I was that it wouldn't work out. The issues were: I had to be at an elementary school by 7:50 on Tuesday mornings. I had an 8:00 class on Thursdays, and a 3:00 class twice a week.

Since school starts at 8 and ends at 3, there is no way it would work out. Not to mention, I LOVED my job at the coffee shop and the woman I worked for.

When Keith called a few days later, I had already made up my mind that it just wasn't going to work. However, I listened as Keith gave me a run down of what they needed. The main problem they had, was getting Katelynn to and from school.

As it turned out... Katelynn attended the very school I had to be at by 7:50 on Tuesday mornings. She had to be off at school around 7:15 and and picked up around 2:15.

I could not have scheduled a more perfect window of time. When I heard that, my heart started beating in my throat. Then I couldn't help myself from word vomitting. I told Keith all about my emotional break down and how I had been praying about what to do. After I told him all of that, I was certain he thought I was a nut job. I did not know one thing about him. For all I knew, he could have been an athiest and there I was talking to him about what I had prayed for. I remember saying, "I'm not sure why I just decided to tell you that."

I guess he didn't think I was THAT crazy. He decided we would work on scheduling a time to meet. They didn't need help for a few months, so I had plenty of time to talk it over with my boss at the coffee shop. That also meant, I had plenty of time to mull over it all, and doubt that it was from the Lord. (As if it wasn't as clear as a neon sign.)

Anywho... several weeks passed. I was still living a very chaotic life, filled with failed assigments and emotional breakdowns. As I cried to my mother over the phone, she very bluntly told me to quit my job. I was still holding onto it though... afterall, coffee is wonderfully addictive. The next day I went to work. My boss, Trish, asked me if I was getting enough hours. Her very simple question was all it took to turn me into a puddle. I didn't even answer her, I just started crying. It was the ugly cry too; the kind that makes your nose run and your face turn all red. I was a mess. I don't think Trish had ever seen me like that and I imagine it caught her off guard. She took me back to the kitchen and said, "Tell me what you need, short of quitting." I told her about failing my assignments and how my mom told me to quit, even though I didn't want to quit. She gave me a big hug, and even cried with me a little. Then we decided to cut my shifts down to only one shift a week and see how that worked out. (When I started the job, I was working 4 shifts a week. Then I moved down to 3, then down to 2...)

It wasn't but a few days later that I got a call from Teresa. I was actually sitting at the coffee shop doing homework when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, so I almost didn't answer it. However, at the last minute I decided to answer and walk outside. When she told me who she was, I remember being in awe that I was on the phone with someone who had just gone through radiation and brain surgery. I'm not sure why that was so amazing to me. I guess the fact that she sounded so normal. Anyway, we scheduled to meet at Starbuck's the following Saturday evening. If you know anything about working in the coffee business, you know that Starbuck's is the opposing team. Looking back, what symbolism there is in that. I loved my job at the coffee shop. The Lord used it to mold me and teach me so much. Going to meet Keith, Teresa, and Katelynn was my first step in letting go of something I held so dear.

That next Saturday, I got off work and drove straight to Starbuck's to meet the family for the first time. We sat at a table outside and talked for quite a while. I told them about school and my prospective Journeyman plans. They seemed genuinely interested. They weren't athiest afterall! I say that jokingly, because they are quite the opposite. Both Teresa and Keith are Jesus following believers. Keith works in Georgia, but they chose there home in Auburn based on the church they wanted to plug into. And Katelynn, who was 11 at the time, had recently been baptized. She told me all about it. We got along like peas and carrots (Jenny...). It was a sure deal, so we started making plans. I got in the car to go home and felt the strangest, best feeling. I have never been so sure of anything in all my life. The way God so perfectly wove our lives together is nothing short of amazing. I was a student in Auburn, but knew Rachel from Birmingham, who is the daughter of a woman from Indiana, who knows a family that had recently moved to Auburn.

As all good stories end: The rest is history.

What happened with my job at the coffee shop you ask? I put in my 1 month notice. I went back to the shop that night to work on some lesson plans. I didn't go looking for Trish, but she just so happened to be there. I told her all about meeting that precious family, and how I would be quiting come the end of March. She told me she knew it was coming, and had already been working on finding my replacement. When my last day rolled around at the end of March, it was pretty heart wrenching. At the same time though, I had the greatest since of peace. Trish walked me out as I was leaving. I cried, but she gave me encouragement and affirmation. She told me to take all the effort and time I put in at the coffee shop, and put it into the life of that very precious little girl.

Here I am, almost a year later, and that very precious little girl just so happens to be sleeping in the bed right next to me. A lot has happened in her life over the past year... which is what my next post is going to be about. However, that will just have to wait for another time. Also, don't tell Katelynn I referred to her as little. She might beat me up or something. ;)

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The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Why do I constantly seek to fill the silence? The story of Elijah comes to mind. Elijah sought the Lord in the raging wind, in an earthquake, and in fire. Those things are significant events in the eyes of the world; magnificent and terrifying events actually. This is the Lord we’re talking about here, so I imagine these events were catastrophic; Hurricane winds so strong that they could tear down mountains, a fire so consuming that it destroys everything in its path and an earthquake that could open up the ground and swallow an entire city. I imagine that the noise must have been deafening. However, once silence finally settled over the land, the Lord was found to be a gentle whisper. How amazing is that?

The Lord’s voice is undeniable in the silence. Constant sound is my vice; whether it is from music, the television, or even my own voice. Whatever the source of the sound may be, it becomes so loud that it drowns out the Lord. If I don’t hear him, I don’t have to feel His conviction. How convenient! That makes my sinful, selfish desires much more enjoyable. At the same time though, I lose the guidance and stability found in Him. I lose sight of the truth. When I deny Him, my heart is like an unfortified city that is left vulnerable to attack. The enemy is prowling around, ready to devour me. His aim is my destruction. What is his weapon? Lies. He whispers lies to me and makes me believe them. I am convinced that the root of all sin is deceit. And, oh how I am so easily deceived! When I do not cling to the truth, I am lead blindly by whatever takes hold of me. Why am I surprised when I so quickly find myself lost, wondering how I got so far from where I should be?

Jeremiah even says that the heart is deceitful above all things, and is beyond cure. The only one who can understand it is the Lord. He understands us better than we even understand ourselves. He knows our weakness and has given us armor for the battle! What better to combat lies than the truth?

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I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

Transitions are hard, especially when they seem to drag on and on. I had to turn in my final paperwork for graduation, so I came back to my favorite place on earth. I was a little disheartened to find that I don't really fit here anymore.I don't seem to fit anywhere right now. I have come to realize that life goes on when you leave. My friends at home have moved on, and now my friends at school have moved on too. And here I am, floating around until I know what's next for me. It is an interesting place to be, that's for sure.

For the last 10 months I have slowly but surely been working on an application for the International Mission Board to be a Journeygirl. I have completed everything and have been waiting to hear if they will invite me to the February Candidate Conference. I am beside myself to announce that I recieved a letter saying that I am invited! I can't believe that I am finally to this point. I thought the day would never come. The rest of the story is still uncertain, and whether or not I will get to go is still uncertain. But it is more likely now than ever before.

I have been looking back, and I can't help but see how the Lord has been preparing me -and my family too. I went to Africa for the first time, and my heart was changed forever. I came home and all I could do was cry when I tried to explain it all. I still can't explain it, but it began a great passion for going overseas. I came to Lakeview, which just so happens to be extremely devoted to equipping and sending missionaries. Through discipleship, I came to know the Lord and His Word like never before. He brought about great healing in my life and prepared me to disciple others. I worked for missionaries at the coffee shop, and spent many days talking about their experiences. There has just been so many things.

So, though this transition has been a struggle... I am thankful for it. It is this feeling of not fitting in that makes it easier to go somewhere completely different. I would dare say, that my car wreck is also something the Lord has used to help me with this decision. My grandparents offered to buy me another Civic for graduation. I struggled with this for a a few weeks and was so convicted that I could not accept it, even though I really wanted to. I knew that there was a possiblity of me going overseas. The car would either sit and not be used, or it would become a temptation for me to stay here. I had to ask myself if I was really willing to give up the car. Yes, I am. I still think I am crazy for doing it... but I have been crazy for reasons far less worthy. The car issue also opened the doors for me to talk with my grandparents about the possiblity of going overseas. I love my grandparents very much, and I know they worry about me. I wanted to spare them the worry and not tell them until it was necessary. To be honest, I was nervous to tell them. However, they responded in a way that I did not expect. My parents and my brother and sister have been the same way. They are all very supportive of my decision! I was so worried they wouldn't be. I know that all of this is the Lord's doing!

Over and over, God has confirmed my desire. I am so excited about whatever is next for me. May I never despise hard transitions. Who knows what the Lord may be preparing me for?

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Ode to Elijah

They abandoned you and built their altar.
On the name of their god they called.
“O Baal! Answer us!” they shouted.
But their words on sleeping ears did fall.

“Come here to me! See what my God will do."
With stones I built an altar in your name.
"Answer me!" I cried, "So they will know you are God.
Turn their hearts back to you again."

Your fire rained down and consumed it all.
Your power was put on display.
The people fell to their faces and cried.
“The Lord –he is God” they did say.

In your name the false prophets I murdered,
so my own life was sought by the queen.
The clouds turned black; a struggle was coming.
My heart feared though your power I’d seen.

I fled in fear and was wearied by the journey,
but you strengthened me with food from your hand.
For forty days I traveled to find you. You said,
“Go out on the mountain and stand.”

The earth around me shattered and trembled.
I searched for your presence in vain.
The ground shook but I did not see you.
You were not in the fiery flame.

Following the chaos I found you;
a gentle whisper in my ear.
The glory and power of your Word
filled my heart with reverent fear.

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The Lord knows me...

My life is changing and it scares me. Am I equipped to do this on my own?

Soon, I will be leaving the people who know me. The people who know my quirks, who know what's important to me, who know what I like and don't like, and who know my struggles. I suppose there is a season for everything and loneliness is included.

I think the desire to be known is in the heart of every human, particularly the heart of a woman. Maybe that is where our insecurity comes from? Think about it, women were created for relationships. The very first woman was created from man and for man. While man is content to work, woman is content just to be with him. Her desire is the relationship. I think this entails friendships too. I know I cherish my close friends. I find great comfort in them. I often times depend on them.

During my dates with Jesus over the past few weeks, I have been reading Kings. Elijah spends much time alone. The enemy even tries to remind him of just how alone he is. God encourages Elijah though. He reminds him of the remnant that is still there. Just because they aren't in plain sight, doesn't mean they don't exist. Then God brings Elisha into his life. I am a big fan of Elisha. I imagine their friendship was very sweet. They walked together, served the Lord together, and encouraged one another. Eliljah helped equip Elisha for what the Lord was going to do through him. Then God took Elijah and Elisha was left alone.

Both of these great men of the faith had to walk alone. For a short while the Lord allowed them a companion, but not for long. Why would the Lord give and take away? It seems unfair to me. However, what would have happened if they had eachother all along? They would never have known what it was like to be completely dependent on the Lord. They wouldn't have understood that the Lord really is enough. It seems that in order to do great things for the Lord, sometimes you have to walk alone.

Looking through the flesh, this still seems unfair. I have invested four years of my life into my friends only for them to be stripped away from me. I know the truth though. My time spent here was sweet. I learned so much and was encouraged. Now I must walk alone in order to be completely dependant on the Lord; in order to do great things for him. Even though I can't completely understand, this is the Lord's kindness. He knows me and he desires that I know him because there is no greater pleasure.

Psalm 139:1 O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

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My Own Adventure

This is a picture book I wrote for one of my classes...

My Own Adventure

When I was little, I traveled all over the world. I went to the bottom of the ocean, climbed Mount Everest, and even lived in a tree house with the Swiss Family Robinson... in my imagination of course.

How I loved to dream. There was always a special place in my heart for adventures in faraway places. I dreamed of them all day long, but never imagined I would go on a real adventure. To my surprise, the most amazing thing happened.

A group from my church was planning a trip to Africa. I was graduating high school that year, and wanted to go for my graduation present. The trip was dangerous. What would my mother say? I was nervous, but I worked up enough courage to ask her. With a lump in my throat I said, “Mama?” She expected me to flood her ears with my imaginative plans just like I had a thousand times before. “I want to go to Africa.” I was serious this time and she could tell.

Time seemed to stop while I waited for her response. I was prepared to fall on my knees and beg, but she opened her lips and said the last thing I expected to hear. “Even before you were born I knew you would do great things.” She seemed hesitant, but knew she had to let me go. She put on a smile and said, “Africa sure is far away!”

After months of waiting, the day to leave finally arrived. I was excited, sad, afraid, and joyful all at the same time. I was not sure what to expect, but ready for the adventure. I hugged my mom tighter than ever before and boarded the airplane. I was on my way!

When the plane finally landed in Africa, it seemed like a dream. “Am I really here?” I thought. When we walked out of the airport, we were met by a colorful, friendly group of African women. They were dressed in brightly colored skirts and head dresses. “Habari!” they said, as they warmly welcomed us in Swahili. From my very first experience, I could tell life was different here. The people looked different, sounded different, and even smelled different.

Everything was different. People were everywhere! Their cars were so crowded that people seemed to bulge out of the windows. There were stands on the side of the road where people sold things. Men rode bicycles with sacks piled ten feet high on the back. Women effortlessly walked down the street with a baby strapped to their back and a container balanced perfectly on their head. I had never seen anything like it.

I saw many new and exciting things. I saw how zebras were created to blend in perfectly with tall grass. And when the sun begins to fade, it is hard to distinguish between a giraffe and a tall tree. I saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. Shades of red and orange streaked across the sky and then seemed to melt away with the sun.

I saw beauty in the least likely of places, too. I saw it in the eyes of a child orphaned by disease. I saw it in the face of a woman whose wrinkles marked wisdom from years of struggle. I saw it in hands that were made rough from work and toil, yet were still tender enough to rock a baby.

We ran a medical clinic on the side of a busy street. People walked for miles just to see the doctor. While people waited in line, I was able to listen to women tell their stories. They had been through incredible hardships. They were grateful to have someone come and help them. I saw and heard things I could not begin to explain.

My favorite part was playing with the children that came to the clinic. Even though I did not speak their language, they were just like every child I have ever met. They loved to laugh and always wanted to play. A little boy named Augustino came and stayed at the clinic every day. He was an orphan. He slept wherever he could find shelter and did not always know when he would eat next. I gave him my water and crackers every morning.

These people had nothing to call their own. They were sick and hungry. Even still, they found reasons to laugh and smile. My adventure taught me many life’s lessons. I think the most important lesson is: No matter how hard things seem, beauty and joy can be found if you look for it.

The time to leave came before I was ready. “I still have so much to learn, and what about Augustino?” I thought, “Who will take care of him?” It was time to go home though, so I sadly said my goodbyes. I came back to America and life was just as I had left it. I had changed though.

I missed my family while I was gone, and was glad to be with them again. I did my best to share with them all that I had seen, but became very discouraged. I realized that photographs and stories could never fully describe what I saw. The only way anyone could ever truly understand, is if they went on an adventure of their own.

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